I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize