At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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