Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
