Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
