We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
