____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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