Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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