Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
