having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
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