i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
