Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so let's talk penis.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
