I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
