u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just made out with a guy for $7.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
