Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
