Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
