Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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