The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
