i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize