Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
