Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
