and she was petting her beer can
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
