I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
