how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
