she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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