good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
