He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
