I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize