Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize