Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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