dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
