South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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