I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
