C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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