You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize