There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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