It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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