I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
