I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
