i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize