my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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