Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize