We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
