Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
