You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
