Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We got so high we made milksteak
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
