I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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