While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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