my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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