Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
