she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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