Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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