when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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