I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
