I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
