It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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