his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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