Need sex. Gaining weight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
