apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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