I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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