People in love make me want to vomit
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
and you fell through a lawn chair
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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