My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
