i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
