There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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