my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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