I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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