If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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