I'm eating all of the evidence.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
