Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
