i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
