If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
