i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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