Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
