i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
