what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
