around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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