I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
