'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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