but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
