Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
