he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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