1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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