The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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